Leah Alchin Piper
EYE GAZING... Creepy or Profound?
Transform disconnected to profoundly intimate in minutes!
It's definitely in the TOP 5 of what couples want most when seeking my help. Who doesn't want to feel closer to the ones they love?
One of the best ways to do that is eye gazing. I know, it can seem corny to some people. In fact, many people find it very difficult. However, it is one of the sweetest, most intimate, most loving, & tender experiences you can create with somebody.
They have a saying that the "eyes are the gateway to the soul." Well, those poets are right. And to do this well without being super corny or creepy is to start by breaking up the roles of giver and receiver.
Someone needs to be the “gazer” and someone else to be "receiving the gaze." The gazer needs to soften the eyes and soften their body position to avoid the dreaded STARING GAZE.
The intense staring gaze feels invasive. It's the creepy Vibe. The soft gaze is respectful, curious, and tender. As you look "into" this person through their eyes, try to breathe together.
This is typically a non-verbal exercise, best to be mostly silent. At times, people want to giggle or make a joke, but that's just a sign that they're uncomfortable. Do your best to tolerate the first few seconds of awkwardness.
This is vulnerable, and vulnerabilities are an interesting thing. Did you know that vulnerable actually translates to “woundable,” which is probably why it's hard to let someone look that deep inside of you? But it's so important because we need to be seen. There's a profound human need to be seen and to be met. So, therefore, the Giver is sensitive to the receiver's vulnerability and admires their bravery.
After some time, I suggest the giver plays with aiming their gaze beyond the eyes, such as the heart & throat. You're can't "literally" look inside the throat or the heart, but your gaze can kind of travel. And what you'll notice is that you can actually sense, feel, and even "visualize" the things that exist within us that language has no name for. Including everything in between.
In the throat are all things we wish we would've said or we wish we could take back.
As you travel to the heart, you can truly see the beauty of who they are, including the places that might still be closed and tight.
Another enjoyable, sexy thing to do is to travel all the way down to the sexy bits below the navel and explore the space of attraction, magnetism, and even awe.
" The soft gaze is respectful, curious, and tender. As you look "into" this person through their eyes, try to breathe together. " - Leah Piper
What's interesting about trust is that it's a door that opens on our side. In other words, trust is a choice. I tend to be very optimistic about trusting people. I think trust can be easy, but it's something you have to work on. So, do you trust yourself to let somebody really see into you? And what do you think it would be like to see "into" somebody else?
The reason why vulnerability is so hard in the first place is our early memories of it. When we were kids, when we felt overexposed, embarrassed, or humiliated, it negatively connected to vulnerability. But as adults, we must learn how to say yes to vulnerability because it's what brings us close. The majority of humans have a deep-rooted fear that if someone saw all that's within, then they might find out that deep down, in-depth of their soul, they are not lovable at all. And if that happens, that person will naturally run away, and our greatest fear of being rejected or abandoned will be realized.
But here's the truth. We are our *most* lovable when we really show up as who we are. We are our most lovable when we are tender, and we take the risk of letting somebody in.
"There's a profound human need to be seen and to be met." - Leah Piper
You can take this in stages; it's not like you have to pour every part of your life history out in one eye gaze practice. Instead, you'll take turns going back and forth of being the gazer and the one receiving the gaze.
Now, here's a tip for those that really struggle with eye contact...what tends to happen is we feel awkward and then anxious, and we start to look anywhere else but those eyes looking back at you. It's natural and normal. This happens to nearly every beginner. You have to build your capacity to feel that much attention. Please, have compassion for yourself if this happens to you or to your partner. No one is misbehaving!
To help increase someone's capacity for eye gazing, direct them to leave the eye gaze periodically while focusing on another area of the partner's face. You'll notice sustaining direct eye contact will increase in length each round.
If I were to guide it, I would start with just a few seconds of eye gazing while inviting us each to slow our breathing. Then, when they start to fidget, and I sense they want to look somewhere else, I might say “thank you" to acknowledge them and then direct them to look at the shape of my jaw. After that feels complete, I'll guide them back to my eyes. As soon as I notice more fidgeting or looking away, I guide them to check out my nose. Then back to my eyes. Next time we take a break from the eyes, I might ask them to look at any other feature of my face, (cheekbones, ears, hairline, eyelashes, neck, brow, eyebrows, skin tone, etc.), always coming back to the eyes in between other facial features. Always remember to breathe.
You get the idea.
Even if my partner can't look into my eyes the whole time, I'm still supporting them in taking in my face and noticing the details. So it's helping them be present, be real, they're building an intimacy muscle, and we both get to win. Remember, most people didn't grow up with good intimacy role models and many cultures frown on direct eye contact.
I hope you take this for a little test drive. There's more on these energy centers. I mentioned only three of them. That was the throat, the heart, and the genitals. I've got some wonderful handouts that describe the psychology of these seven genius zones, and I will be happy to get you a set. Use this private link, https://www.moreloveworks.com/subscribe-free-cheatsheet-chakra-genius-zones, fill out the form, and you'll be able to download it.
My name is Leah Piper. I'm with www.moreloveworks.com.
I know... do this on a date! ....
Maybe on the second, third, or fourth date... maybe not the first date (unless you are both already into Tantra). If you’re really starting to like someone, and you're hitting it off, this is a really cool way to start feeling even more of those ooh la la’s.