Is Eye Gazing
Sexy or Creepy?
Learn the 2-minute practice that creates deeper intimacy than months of conversation. Without the awkwardness, without the guesswork, and without it feeling "too intense too soon".
Ready to try this? Check out your Bonus digital handout below for step-by-step guidance on your first eye gazing practice.
Access handoutWhat You'll Discover from this Masterclass...
1: Why most eye gazing feels uncomfortable
The difference between invasive staring and the soft gaze, plus how to set up giver/receiver roles so no one feels invaded.
2: What to do when it gets awkward
Why the urge to giggle or make jokes is totally normal, and my technique for beginners who can barely look for 2 seconds.
3: What happens when you stick with it
Why tears are actually "bonus points", how vulnerability becomes your superpower, and the neuroscience behind why even 30-60 seconds can shift your entire nervous system.
4: How to make this work on dates
Perfect for second, third, fourth date territory ( but maybe not the first!).
Eye Gazing Practices
(To Go From Creepy to Sexy)
Learn the art of tender, connected eye gazing that builds intimacy, trust, and attraction—without the awkwardness. This guide will show you the science-backed techniques to transform eye contact from uncomfortable to deeply intimate.
Understanding the Roles
The Eye Gazer (Giver): Looks into partner's LEFT eye, sends love and presence
The Eye Gazee (Receiver): Allows themselves to be seen, receives the gaze
Each person gets one round in each role. There are 2 rounds per practice.
How to Practice
- Face each other (sitting or standing)
- Person with longest hair goes first as the Gazer
- Gazee winks or points to their left eye
- Start with 1-minute rounds, advance to 4 minutes over time
- Set a timer when practicing with someone new
- Concentrate on breathing and pulsing your anus until you relax more
What's Normal (Don't Worry!)
- Giggles are completely normal (resist talking or making jokes)
- Blinking and eye twitching is common in the beginning
- Tears are beautiful—don't stop for tissues! Stay with the feeling
- Need breaks? Start with 15-30 second intervals if 1 minute feels too long
- It's okay to close eyes briefly and breathe, then come back
- Never shame someone for needing frequent breaks—this is intimate work
The Key Difference: Creepy vs. Tender
| 🚫 Creepy Stare | ✨ Tender Gaze |
|---|---|
| Intense, hard focus—trying to "see through" you | Soft, relaxed eyes—seeing beyond the eyes |
| Body/neck leaning forward | Sitting back, relaxed posture |
| Bulging eyes, staring hard | Eyes pulled back toward brain, gentle |
| Feels forced, invasive, lacks attunement | Feels curious, invitational, attuned |
| Taking without asking | Mutual invitation, respectful |
| Intimidating or threatening | Safe, tender, connected |
Don't stare with intensity. Keep your gaze loving, gentle, and respectful. Notice how eventually it's easier to see deeper into someone without having to try hard. As you allow yourself to be seen, try not to look away or avoid this moment.
The Science: Why This Works
Within just 30 seconds of sustained and soft eye contact, your nervous system goes into full connection mode. Here's what happens in your brain and body during eye gazing:
The bonding hormone - Creates safety, trust, and deep connection. This is the same hormone released during hugging, cuddling, and intimate moments.
The reward chemical - Generates happiness, wellbeing, and feelings of pleasure. This is why eye gazing actually makes you feel good!
Natural energy stimulant - Similar to methamphetamine! This chemical wakes you up, gives you energy, and makes you feel alive and present.
Proven to work even between strangers - Just 2 minutes of proper eye gazing can significantly increase feelings of love and attraction between any two people.
The key is that it must be a soft, curious gaze—not an intrusive stare. This is what creates the magic.
For Beginners: Building Comfort Step-by-Step
If your partner struggles with sustained eye contact, guide them gently through this exercise. This technique helps build presence and comfort without panic:
- "Look at my eyes"
- "Now my jaw" → back to eyes
- "Eyes → nose → eyes"
- "Eyes → lips → eyes"
- "Eyes → eyebrows → eyes"
- "Eyes → collarbone → eyes"
- "Eyes → my curl → eyes"
- "Eyes → my teeth → eyes"
- Gradually increase time in eyes before switching
- Close eyes together and breathe before they want to close their eyes
The Goal: They're taking ALL of you in, not just staring at your eyeballs. This cultivates trust so future eye gazing becomes easier and more natural.
Reading Body Language
Learning to read body language is how you develop attunement and learn to read energy. Watch for these signals:
Signs of Overwhelm
- Facial flushing
- Shallow or rapid breathing
- Faster heartbeat
- Fidgeting hands
- Looking away frequently
What To Do
- Give them space immediately
- Guide them to look at different parts of your face
- Suggest closing eyes for a breath
- Shorten the intervals
- Don't take it personally!
Managing Your Hands
Depending on intimacy level and permission:
- Hold hands gently
- Caress their face (with permission)
- Place hand on your or their heart
- Sit on your hands if you fidget—feel the warmth, stay grounded
- Heart Protector Point: Press thumb into center of palm (yours or theirs) for soothing and grounding
- Yab Yum position: Wrap arms around partner's waist or shoulders (advanced)
The Energy Centers (Chakras) in Eye Gazing
As the Gazer, you can "see into" different energy centers as you soften your gaze. Look into their LEFT eye and travel through these centers:
Their insight, wisdom, profound experiences and understanding
What they can't say yet, unspoken truths, words stuck inside, things without language
Where they're broken, where they're open, the limitless love they hold, where they feel closed
Their power, confidence, or where they feel collapsed, insecure, embarrassed, or humiliated
Their passion, Shakti, sensuality, insecurity, fear of rejection
Their sense of safety, survival, grounding, or where trauma is stored
Book Recommendation: Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith for understanding the psychology of the Chakras and embodiment.
Advanced Technique: The Pleasure Circuit
For intimate partners during touch, intimacy, or lovemaking. Tantric practice: Keep eyes open 50% of the time.
- Close your eyes → Feel the sensation deeply (pleasure, emotion, arousal, pain, or block)
- Breathe it up behind your eyes—get it all the way behind your eyes
- Open your eyes → Send that feeling to your partner through your gaze
- When intensity drops, close eyes again → Turn up the sensation → Open & send
- Your partner receives and mirrors back → The circuit amplifies for both of you
This creates a profound circuit of energy. Your pleasure gets bigger than what one person could produce alone. Use this at the point of orgasm to share and amplify ecstasy.
Breath Regulation for Calming Nerves
When you or your partner feel flooded or overwhelmed, use this breathing technique:
Diaphragmatic Breathing: Take long inhales through your nose, puff your belly out, then slow controlled exhale
Pattern to Follow: Inhale for 4 counts → Hold for 2 counts → Exhale fully (contract belly, get all air out)
Mirror Neurons Magic: Your regulated breath will help regulate theirs. Make your breath audible so they can match your rhythm. When we breathe together, our nervous systems sync up.
This breathing pattern drops cortisol and adrenaline levels, calming the nervous system for both of you. It's one of the fastest ways to create safety and connection.
What to Say (and Not Say)
✅ DO SAY:
- "What you're feeling is so important. Stay right here with me."
- "I know this is hard. Thank you for being here."
- "I love the color of your eyes. Do you know how beautiful they are?"
- "Take all the time you need. I'm right here."
- "You did so good. That was so hot."
❌ DON'T SAY:
- "You're not doing it right."
- "Why aren't you looking at my eyes?"
- "Why do you keep looking away?"
- "Why are you laughing?"
- Any contemptuous or disapproving tone
Remember: People learn through approval, not criticism. Find what they're doing RIGHT and affirm it. This creates safety and encourages them to lean in deeper.
Practicing with Yourself (Mirror Gazing)
Set a timer for 2-5 minutes. Use your phone camera (selfie mode), handheld mirror, or bathroom mirror.
- Look at your whole face first—take yourself in
- Notice the colors, shapes, wisdom lines around your eyes
- Focus on your left eye and really see yourself
- Remember yourself as a child, teenager, in your 20s, 30s...
- See your resilience through all the pain and joy
- Feel YOUR love for yourself—the same love you give to others
- Speak kindly: "I see you. Your love is good. You are wanted. You are precious."
- Allow tears to come if they arise
- See the God/Goddess essence in you
Why practice with yourself? You can biohack your own wellbeing by soul gazing with yourself. Skip the middleman! You don't need to wait for someone else to see you—YOU can see you.
Self-Reflection Journaling
After eye gazing practice, reflect on these questions:
Troubleshooting Guide
"I can't stop giggling!"
→ Giggle! It conveys "I'm enjoying you. I feel shy but I'm right here." Your nervous system is releasing. Stay present, keep coming back. We could all use more silliness in life.
"My partner won't look at me."
→ Don't take it personally. Start with 15-second intervals. Try the face-mapping technique (eyes → jaw → eyes). Be patient and meet them where they're at. Some people need more time to build comfort.
"Tears came up and I feel embarrassed."
→ Tears = opening. Vulnerability = wound-ability. This is exactly where the magic happens. Stay with the feeling—there's nothing to fix. Your tears are beautiful and welcomed.
"It feels too intense."
→ Ask for a timeout. Look down, breathe, come back when ready. Close eyes together and breathe. You can also have them close their eyes before they think they're ready to. Give yourself permission to go at your own pace.
"How do I use this on dates?"
→ Perfect for 2nd-4th dates (maybe not the first!). Try 30-60 seconds playfully. "Want to try something? Look into my eyes and don't laugh..." Make it light, fun, and flirtatious. If they're receptive, it can create instant chemistry.
Final Reminders
Vulnerability literally means "wound-ability" - It's supposed to feel scary. And yet, when someone is vulnerable with you, they are their most lovable. It's such a beautiful oxymoron.
Eye gazing = Presence - Being in the moment, right there, not wanting to be anywhere else. This is the art of true connection.
This is not a staring contest - It's an invitation. Both people are participating. It fosters closeness and encourages trust.
Practice builds capacity - Your ability to sustain eye contact and stay present will grow with practice, as will your partner's.
Acknowledge progress - Thank each other. Bow in namaste. Share what the experience was like for you.
Your Eye Gazing Professional
Leah Piper
Intimacy coach and founder of More Love Works, Leah guides couples to transform connection through science and heart-centered practice.
Her warm, authentic approach helps people navigate vulnerability with compassion and practical wisdom.
Fair Warning - This isn't JUST about technique.
Eye gazing is vulnerable work. You might feel awkward, emotional, or even a little scared. That discomfort isn't a problem to fix - it's the gateway to deeper connection.
I'll be right there with you, helping you navigate those feelings with compassion and practical tools.
Loved the Masterclass and want more? CLICK HERE to view Leah's other courses